Wednesday, July 28, 2010

More Eating, Praying, and Loving

This post is once again about a part of the book, Eat, Pray, Love. When I came across this section of the book, it felt like the things that I have been thinking or feeling in regards to my life right now were being written for me right into a national best seller book.

The idea of sacrifice is huge in my life right now. I am in the middle of trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and what I want out of life. And I know that sounds selfish but right now I would be lying if I did not admit that my life is a little self-centered right now.

But... I need it to be... and this could counter-act so many things in my life, number one, how God calls us to live...but recently, I have realized that I have been living to be what other people want me to be. I have made sacrifices of who I am, who God created me to be, in order to be what someone else wants me to be.

So I am trying hard to break this habit. And right now, the best way is to constantly ask myself... "Jordan, what do you want to do?" "What do you want to say" "Who do you want to talk to?" "Do you really like Modest Mouse or are you just saying that for approval?".... and then I answer honestly and do it.

You see, I am adaptable. Part of me is very thankful for that because it has provided me with so many friends but over the past eight years of my life, it has also caused me to be an obsessive people-pleaser that has lost who she is amidst becoming what others want her to be.

So bottom line, I am finding out who I am and then figuring out what it is in my life I will not and cannot sacrifice. What are the things I want in order to be happy.

Here is the excerpt from the book:

"My mother has made choices in her life, as we all must, and she is a peace with them. I can see her peace. She did not cop out on herself. The benefits of her choices are massive-a long, stable marriage to a man she still calls her best friend; a family that has extended now into grandchildren who adore her; a certainty in her own strength. Maybe some things were sacrificed, and my dad made his sacrifices, too- but who amongst us lives without sacrifice.

And the question for me now is, What are my choices to be? What do I believe that I deserve in this life? Where can I accept sacrifice, and where can I not?"

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Songs I Currently Cannot Get Enough Of

Just a little bit of insight into the complexity of my inner soul when it comes to music. A little bit of this... A little bit of that.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Destiny within "Eat, Pray, Love"

I am reading "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert... (basic plot: "one woman's search for everything across Italy, India, and Indonesia")

...and I love it...

...and there are two things I want to share from it that I have loved but...

one thing at a time people.

At one point in the book Elizabeth talks about this package of books she had shipped from American to her new Italian home. However, the package never showed. From this stemmed a whole conversation that intrigued me and made me think.

"The mystery of my missing box prompts a long discussion one night between me, my American Friend Maria and her husband, Giulio. Maris thinks that in a civilized society one should be able to rely on such things as the post office delivering one's mail in a prompt manner, but Guilio begs to differ. He submits that the post office belongs not to man, but to the fates, and that delivery of mail is not something anybody can guarantee. Maria, annoyed, says this is only further evidence of the Protestant Catholic divide. This divide is best proven, she says, but the fact that Italians- including her own husband- can never make plans for the future, not even a week in advance. If you ask a Protestant from the American Midwest to commit to a dinner date next week, that Protestant, believing she is the captain of her own destiny, will say: 'Thursday night works fine for me.' But if you ask a Catholic from Calabria to make the same commitment, he will only shrug, turn his eyes to God, and ask, 'How can any of us know whether we will be free for dinner next Thursday night, given that everything is in God's hands and non of us can know our fate?'"

So what does this mean for me?

I have no idea.

But I do really think there is a lot more to what Guilio is saying. That final statement is not just saying that planning a dinner date is not smart. He is saying our actions every day should be made with the knowledge and realization that destiny is not in our hands.

So because of that, right now, I am simply thankful that my destiny, whatever it may be, is completely out of my control even though I foolishly try so hard to keep a handle on it. I am grateful that my destiny is in the hands of a God that promises me happiness...eternal happiness...

Destiny without God is void and pointless and scary.

So God- be my Destiny.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Hillsong United - Soon

A. I love this song.
B. Today in church our pastor talked about a lot of things that made me think. But the one thing that hit me the most was that God is personal. And I know it sounds obvious and simple...but he then continued to say that sometimes things said simply can speak the most complex truths.

Now the question I am asking myself is how do I respond to such a personal God? It is not a broad relationship with the church that He desires. It is a one on one relationship with me that invovles quality time just as any other relationship also requires.

I think God is asking me "Jordan, what do you want to do with your life? I have gifted you and given you passions and desires. Now use them and fulfill my purpose for you."

This excites me.
Soon and very soon.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Uncontrollable Reminders

Why is it when you want to forget something, uncontrollable reminders always find their way into your life.

They find their way into mine. This week has been hard. Mine was filled with a lot of reminders I did not even know existed or mattered before.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

My Blog: I Have to Live Up to the Meaning of the Title

This is one of my all time favorite songs. I love the meaning of "No Doubling Back Now". For me, it is about not going back on decisions you made. I don't think it is saying have no regrets because I think everyone will have some regrets. However, I do think it is saying when you do something, do it all the way. Don't doubt yourself. Be strong in what you stand for. You can think about things before you do them, but don't try and change your mind after they are done.

It makes like way too complicated.

So I am working on it. Making the right decisions for me. I'm not going to double back for the rest of my life...hopefully, I will just move forward accepting the decisions I make or the stones thrown in my path.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

A few Birthday Presents...and I adore every single one of them!

Rain & Oil & Martinis

For the past couple of days during our stay in Florida, these three things have been a constant.

The first few days, the oil was limited and the sun was out. However, those days passed quickly and now Hurricane Alex is having an effect on the coast and the oil is washing up more and more each day. The rain, I can deal with because it will come and go but as I have found out is one thing hearing about the oil spill on TV and then coming down and actually seeing it in person as it attaches to our bodies and swimsuits while being pushed ashore.

As previously noted, we have been coming to Sandestin for five years so it almost feels like our vacation home. When I personally saw the oil coming ashore, it was a terrible feeling because even for me, it felt like a little piece of my home was being destroyed. I cannot imagine how the locals feel.

Kathrine and I have met a ton of people here and everyone seems to be suffering a little bit because of the oil spill. It is just so sad to see the beautiful beaches being contaminated. I went for a run yesterday on the beach and ran into a clean up crew picking up the tar balls. I hate it.

However, on a more positive note, The Village is still the same and being 21 makes it even better! Kathrine and I have been having so much fun. We have met a ton of people, not to mention becoming best friends with the bar tenders. The other night Kat and I decided to have our first martini at the martini bar. TJ, the bartender, fixed us up real good and later that night we saw him at a different bar. It was there he told us that we could make up our own drink and bring it to him tomorrow to get a free one. The only requirement was that the name for the martini had to be "Field of Dreams". (Which I promised TJ I would rent and watch soon)

So Kat and I went to the martini bar last night again, TJ was there, we picked our own drinks and then together we sat and made up our Field of Dreams concoction. It consists of pomegranate juice, pomegranate vodka, Malibu rum, and pineapple juice. And let me tell you, it is seriously the best drink I have had so far. And not only did we make up the martini but the other two we had were paid for by a gentlemen and his girlfriend who looked like Jessica Alba, all because we went to Ireland.

I love it here.

We only have one day left and the rain is killing me. However, hopefully it will do some good and keep the oil away from the shore.

I will post more pictures of our trip soon.
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