1. Baking a cheesecake = time to write. Love that.
2. At Williams-Sonoma today, aka the best store to go to when the season starts changing to fall, and I found my most favorite packaged treat that I used to eat all the time during my semester in Ireland! They are called Tea Cakes and they are these milk chocolate things with graham cracker bottom and marshmallow middle. So it is like a s'more which, if you know me, you know how much I love s'mores!!
Those are it! I have a shmooshed one on my bookshelf that I brought home from Ireland and it sits there as decoration. But...I found these and they were on sale for $2.00. These Americans didn't realize what they were missing out on. :) Now the big question is... should I eat them?! What if they don't taste as good as I remembered them? That is always the scariest thing about not having something you loved for so long.
Has that happened to you? You know, where you you fall in love with something or maybe even someone and then you loose it. But then, as time passes on, the void that was left in your heart was not really filled as people tell you it will be. "Don't worry. Time will heal it"...to which I respond "B.S." Because instead, the pain of missing that something or someone just gets bigger and bigger which causes you to start idealizing it in your head.
It is like when you go see a movie and you really enjoy it. You tell everyone else how good it is and recommend it to them. Then, you find someone else who has seen it and also really liked it and since both of you like, it becomes even better! So much better, that you decide to go see it again and invite someone else to go see it too. However, after watching it again, you realize, it actually wasn't that funny and the person you invited, really just thinks you are crazy and in fact, thinks less of the movie because of how much you talked it up.
I don't know about you, but this happens to me all the time...with both trivial things and important things.
And with the big things, it becomes scary.
There are certain events in the past that I look back on and wish I could be back in that moment, with that same person or persons, and doing the same things. I desire it so badly that the memory becomes a treasure to me. And as with any treasure, if you truly care about it, you know that it needs to stay locked up and stowed away. Exposing it to the world risks that treasure losing some of its mystery, luster, value, etc. Even Oscar Wilde agrees with me. He said "no man is rich enough to buy back his past". For me, my memories are my treasures and one thing that always remains is that treasures will never look as good as the first time I saw it or experiences it.
I hate saying that but I honestly think there is some truth to that. And thankfully, in truth, I believe there is always purpose.
The purpose for me here is that I need to learn to be thankful for the memories and experiences that I have had and not let the desire to relive them overtake the gift that they originally were. Although I no longer have that thing or that person, I have to realize that there is a purpose for that too. There is truly is a season for everything and right now, Someone else has different plans and ideas for me now. I strongly believe that once I learn to adapt an attitude of thankfulness, I will be moved toward enjoying the present events in my life better. I will look for opportunity and adventure in the present and future instead of remembering events and experiences in the past.
From an attitude of thankfulness, flows a life of gratitude. A life of gratitude can bring greater happiness than a life living in, for, and through the past can ever bring.
"It is sadder to find the past again and find it inadequate to the present than it is to have it elude you and remain forever a harmonious conception of memory. " -F. Scott Fitzgerald