Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Compartmentalize. (Try saying it three times fast!)
Have you ever had so much going on in your life at one point where you just have had to stop, breathe, and think: How the heck did I get here?
That's where I am at today.
I was journaling just a little bit ago about stuff going on in life and as I was finishing up, I thought: How did this happen? How did I get here? and then the ultimate question came to my head....dun dun dun...Who am I? ;)
But it wasn't in the "what's my purpose on this earth" jibber jabber kind of way. It was more the thought of: if you would take me back to my 8th grade self, I would promise that where I am now isn't where I would ever have pictured myself in 9.5 years from that point.
So why I am here? How did I get to the place today where my 8th grade self would look at me as a stranger....
and here is the sad part...are you ready?
I think my 8th grade self would seriously look at me and say: "Grow up."
I am not kidding you. And for those of you who knew me then and now, know I am not kidding.
My two most recent posts have been pretty melancholy to say the least. Pretty debbie downer, and then only excuse that I have is that what "they" say is true: As you get older, life gets messier.
A couple summers ago when Molly, Kat, and I went to Florida, we had a lot of "meaningless stuff" going on in our lives regarding the people we were going to see in Florida. All three of us did. So in efforts to make sure that we had the best trip possible, I made the three of us promise that anything that happened with the people down there (good or bad), it would not affect our time together in Florida. And then as all mature 21 year olds do, I made us come up with a clue word that would stop us in our tracks if any one of us was ever letting what "the others" did affect us. The word: COMPARTMENTALIZE.
The reason I chose that word was because I knew that as girls, our natural tendency is to think like a bowl of spaghetti noodles; everything is connected, intertwined, and linked in some form or fashion. Guys, however; their brains are like waffles. Everything is separate and events that happen only affect the compartment that that "thing" is in.
So my goal for the weekend in Florida was too prove that we too, as girls, could think like men and keep things compartmentalized. We could keep events separate and not let it affect our weekend.
Now besides the fact that Kat could barely even pronounce the word any time she tried, we used that word SOOOO many times in FL- at least 20 times every day. And honestly, it worked. Trust me. Things happened to each of us that could have upset us, ruined our mood, been taken the wrong way, demanded revenge or justice! ;), BUT!: whenever one of us started to turn sour, the other two would look at her, point, and say: "Hey, compartmentalize!". And not only did it give a little humor to the situation, it worked! We moved on and continued to have a grand ole' time!
Now. As far as life today... I unfortunately don't have Kat and Molly with me every second to yell "Compartmentalize!" at me. And honestly, the issues today are more personal and more important than those were. (Life gets messier when you get older even if just by two years.) But, I have got to get back to the old me.
I liked that me better and that me was much happier. When I knew how to keep things separate. When I knew that somebody's actions didn't always exemplify their "feelings" towards me. I use to give people the benefit of the doubt and if they hurt me or didn't like me, I didn't care. I was very good at protecting myself from letting those things hold me back or bear down on me.
I am not good at that anymore. My protective shield has gone down and I have allowed myself to become a big bowl of nasty tasting spaghetti. And even though I don't know why I let that shield down, it has affected every area of my life and it just seems like one big ka-bobble of a mess and I hate it. I guess the life is always a war and the thing you must always do in war, is keep that shield up and I will do so with the help of few because I know I can't do it alone either.
So here we go again... I am going to give compartmentalize another try and keep my head up. Keep on being loving, easy-going, understanding, SANE, logical Jordan. Not the one I have been over the past couple weeks/months. Eww. :)
Go ahead. Give it a try in your life, too. Let me know how it goes.
Compartmentalize on friends! :)