Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Warning: This may be just rambling depression talk.

Correction: after reading over it, this IS rambling depression talk.

So today at around 5:00, Kathrine, Molly, and I made it back to Little Rock from our weekend, Fall Break, in Florida. We went back to the same place we were at earlier this summer, Sanddestin.

As expected, everything there was just perfect. 

We saw our old friends, made some new friends and had so much fun with  just the three of us. The weather was perfect, the tourists were few, and the circumstances were awesome.  

That being said, it makes coming home so much harder. 

I hate that I hate coming back to reality so much. I love my family and I know how fortunate I am to have them so close and how fortunate I am to have job that I like.  BUT, and yes this is a BIG BUT..and I cannot lie, you other brothers,.sorry...as I was saying, BUT I just don't know why it is always so hard to come back home. I don't think it should be. 

Is it because I know what to expect everyday and I find boredom in that? Is it because I may not be doing what I am meant to do, even though I do like my job?  Or is it because I always have a hard time living in the present and finding hope in the future. I have discussed this before, but I tend to be a master at living in the past. Whatever it is, I need to figure it out. I want to be excited about life. 

Kathrine and Molly both said I was so much happier in Florida and I know they are right. 

At home, I worry about every thing non-stop from how much money I am making, my job, trying to establish more relationships in Little Rock, and then wondering how much longer I am actually going to be in Little Rock.  I get obsessive about working out and my weight and what I am eating which really dampens my attitude (so not okay, I realize this). I think about my dating life and how I am beginning to realize a true southern boy will never want to date me since I am a picture perfect failure of a southern girl. And with all this worrying, I worry about my worrying and try to tell myself that I am failing at looking at the big picture and I have got to realize that I am so not in control of any of this!

But heck, it is so much easier said that done. 

Andddd...deep breath. (I warned you about the rambling.)

Can I get an amen? I mean, do other people get this way? 

I just had to get it out. I was home, unpacked everything, started laundry, showered, ate dinner, and occupied an hour watching the Pan Am episode I missed and then the boredom and reality set back in. 

Here is the mere effort to perk myself up, looking forward to a few fun events coming up:

The fair is here in Little Rock this weekend which is only fun when you get to go as VIP as Kathrine and I do every year due to her father, Captain Mark Allen. I think we may have a bon fire planned for the weekend. I am going to Orlando the first weekend of November. Halloween is coming up which even though I have never really celebrated, I am thinking this year, The Trio will have to do something fun! Maybe a trip to Memphis! And if not for Halloween, there will definitely be some other trips to Memphis for fun. 

Okay, well if you happen to still be reading this depressing ramble session, I promise to not let that happen again anytime soon. I feel like I should be posting this to Xanga. Remember Xanga?  It was like the original blog back in the day and all the emo people got on and told the saga of their middle school and high school days. Oh! the horrors of being a teenager but finally an outlet to let the whole world in on it.

Anyways, have a good night friends!

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