Whirlwind

I had a bunch of words and thoughts typed out to share but right now...they seem pointless.

New Job

I start my new job today! I will tell you what it is exactly when I know.

Still Not Ready-

Okay, so, being back at school is not so bad. I have loved seeing everybody and have managed to already have quite a bit of fun.

But...that doesn't mean I am ready...

I still had trouble remembering what classes and at what time I was taking them today.
I have not bought any of my books. I have reading due Monday/ in pretty much all of my classes.
I had to walk into my roommate Ashleigh's room on Wednesday morning and ask for a folder and some paper because you know what...I did not have anything to put my syllabi in.

Sidenote: Thankfully, Ashleigh is never low on office supplies. In fact, I think Ashleigh's room could be called a mini Office Depot. I mean, the girl has folders with folders in them and boxes of sticky notes. Maybe she just knows she has more than just herself to look out for. ;)I keep telling her we are like Peanut Butter and Jelly. And it is so true.

Anyways, I already feel overwhelmed but to the point where I am like "Who cares?", not where I am stressing trying to get everything done ahead of time like I used to. I mean, even my best friend Amanda has books and if you knew Amanda, you would know this is very backwards. Maybe it is just because I don't want to spend money on something that I will only use a very few times but just enough times to where I still should buy it in order to pass the class. You know what I mean? I hate textbooks.

Well, the weather is gorgeous. My afternoon class was canceled. I am going to go play outside and enjoy these last few nights of freedom before the homework sets in.

Maybe tonight I will get some books ordered. Wish me luck!

Secrets.

"The secret of two is God's secret, the secret of three is everybody's secret."

I disagree with this. That just means you have friends you can't trust. I for one have two best friends that can and will always know my deepest secrets that I have and I will always keep there's.

I feel like this summer is a secret between us three. I am not sure I am ready to tell it to people.

Back to School...for the Second Time

Animal (Album Version) by Miike Snow

(song of the summer, open in new tab and listen while you read)


Last Thursday, Molly, my dad and I packed up all of my things, loaded up the truck, and headed to Siloam Springs to move me back to school. This year I am living in duplex so the process is a lot longer and I have a lot more stuff.

We three made quite the team and I am pretty positive that we could be hired on as a moving company. We worked fast and efficiently together. After we finished, my dad decided to go back to Little Rock the same day. Since August is his busiest month at work, I did not want him to have to stay any longer than neccesary. After we said our sad goodbyes as he left me to begin my senior year of college, Molly and I went to Wal Mart to get some necessary household items. During that trip, I had the first feeling of "this is weird" and "I don't think I am ready to be back". But... I pushed those feelings aside and told myself "too bad, suck it up, build a bridge and get over it". Plus, on Friday, Kathrine, Mom, and my sisters, Lindsey and Abby were coming up to help organize and decorate my duplex.

Molly and I met all of the girls in Fayetville on Friday night, we all went out, and made a few more memories to end the summer with. Saturday was a long day of decorating. I don't know what I would do without these fives girls because they turned the empty place with a bunch of boxes into a cozy home for Ashleigh and I. (I will post pictures later)

As they finished up, reality began to sink in and I knew in a couple hours I would be sitting in my room, wondering what to do myself and letting loneliness slowly but surely creep in but I just tried to ignore it and move on.

I knew I didn't start school until Wednesday so what I was going to do over the next couple of days was all TBA. I figured I would find something to keep me busy. But, as Kathrine was giving me a hug goodbye, tears starting to fill both of our eyes as they do almost every time we leave each other, she said "Come back home, you don't start school until Wednesday."

And instead of weighing the pros and cons and really thinking about the decision, I found myself running upstairs, grabbing my bag, and throwing the essentials in for a weekend stay: my pillow, phone charger, toiletries, Nike shorts, t-shirts, two dresses, and two pairs of jeans, and a couple pairs of shoes.

Next thing you know, I am on the road home again with my two best friends in the car, listening to our Summer Mix of 2010 provided by my friend ZT, following my mom and sisters(also my best friends) back to Little Rock.

Now it is Tuesday morning and I am in Little Rock getting ready to leave again for Siloam Springs. The difference this time though is that I feel a lot more closure. I got to go to church again, spend time with some amazing new friends I met this summer, last night I went for a late night drive with a friend, windows down music up, and then went to go spend the night with Kathrine which seems to always be the right way to the end the summer. Kathrine and I got up this morning, sped through Ferndale with my white Honda (Hannah) tailing her PT Cruiser (Party Time), grabbed a quick breakfast at Kroger, and said our goodbyes officially as she went to work and I came home to get my stuff together.

Now all that is left is a quick workout at the Athletic Club and a trip to Whole Foods and I will once again be on my way back to school.

The summer is actually ending now and it puts me in an almost melancholy mood because it has been so amazing. It has been the hardest, challenging, most change-filled, exciting, and fun summer I have had.

But now it is time to start my senior year. I have not idea what God has in store but I am ready for whatever. At least, I think I am. I know it will be hard but I know it will also be fun. And I also know that God is going to work in my heart and teach me new things about me and about Himself that I have never known, realized, or really grasped before.

So here's to a new year!

Cheers everyone and best of luck to whatever stage of life you are in! May God pour His blessings on you.

Best Friends

"Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend."

These are my best friends Molly and Kathrine. We do everything together. My life would never have been the same without them. I cannot express how rare friends like Molly (best friends since kindergarten) and Kathrine (best friend and sister since 7th grade) are and I am so thankful for them.

The Trio- well, we are unstoppable. I love you two so much!

...

I saw this photo, looked at my mom and said "Ugh, I want to be her!".

And my mom's reply: "Yeah, but she was only there for a short time too. She had to go somewhere else eventually."

I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that.

Me and Jesus

Without disregarding the holiness and greatness of God, this picture...well, it is me and Jesus...

...and I am in awe of the fact that if I were to jump, He would jump in front of me.
If I want to turn around and run down the stairs, He would run after me.
If I want to fly, He would hold me.
If I want to yell, He would listen and hold my hand.
If I want to laugh, He would laugh with me.
If I want to sing, He would play the guitar.
If I want to sleep, He would watch over me.
If I want to throw marshmallows at passerbys, He would go buy them for me.
If I want a hug, I know He has been reaching out for one all night.
If I want to worship, He would smile at me.

I am so thankful that I have a Heavenly Father who is not only all powerful but so personal. It literally leaves me speechless and in a state of thankfulness I cannot explain.

Thank you for chasing after me God, no matter how far I try to run. And when I stop, thanks for being right behind me.

Sail Away with Me

I just looked at what classes I am taking for the first time since I registered in March/April. I just looked at my books and added up the costs. I just went into semi-depression for the reality of the summer being over.

But I do think this going to be an awesome year and I can't wait to move in again with Ashleigh and have probably the coolest neighbor ever, Mikey Brennan.

And about the song:...someone showed me it this summer and I loved everything about it. It is one of those songs you want to listen to on a late night drive, windows down, cool air blowing your hair all around...or maybe...just an honest moment, when you are kissing someone. I'm just saying... (Don't judge me).

(PS: ignore the video- just listen to the song)

Three Things

1) I finished reading Eat, Pray, Love- If you are going to read it, just read the first two sections. By the end of the book you are hoping you realize how everything she is doing is so close to God but she ends up being so far. And it depressed me... but I still loved the Italy and Indonesia section.

2) I have never been so thankful for my friends. It is bizarre how rare friends like mine are to find and I am so thankful for them. This summer has been so fun and I am just so thankful to God for putting certain people into my life. I just had to say something.

3) In an earlier post, I talked about being selfish. I am calling B.S. on my self and I am ready to move on. Over the selfishness. Well, at least, I am over trying to justify it. :)

"Watch What I Can Do With Your Lunch"

Gary Haugen, President and CEO of International Justice Mission, was our guest speaker at Fellowship this morning. As you can imagine, he had so many good things to say but during a part of the message he retold the story of the feeding of the 5,000. He referred to the little boy in the story who brought his lunch with a just a couple fish and some bread. Gary said that this boy probably had the best day of his entire life because he simply had his mom pack his lunch and little did he know that his little lunch would be used to feed 5,000 people.

I can just imagine the little boy running home saying "Mom, you will never guess what happened to my lunch today!" I mean do you think he will ever forget that day and what God did with his lunch. He probably thought he had nothing to contribute to the 5,000 hungry people but God saw it differently. Christ used His power and said to the little boy "Hey, watch what I can do with your lunch."

I love that line.

So take my little measly lunch God. It's all yours.